Gratitude

Gratitude might seem cliche as it is these days. 

If you say 'thank you' when someone is helping you get a book on the shelves— you are being grateful.

If you say 'thank you' when someone compliments the new dress you wear to the class—  then you are also being grateful.

The dark, twisted truth is that it could be the word anyone use probably to be viewed as a nice person. The fact that giving thanks is easier to be said than done (truly by heart and actions) can make one who said is to look deceptive and disingenuous. Some of us are taking the word 'thank you' for granted when afterwards the actions don't really reflect the gratitude we thought we had. This explains why some of us are still feeling underappreciated even after getting a 'thank you'. Because deep down, gratitude is a matter of sincerity or in Arabic, we called as 'إخلاص'. 

Nevertheless, on the bright side of it, giving thanks is actually one of the hundred ways of expressing gratitude— to Allah and to man.

I remember on that one special day, my family and I were having a family gathering for a nikah ceremony. We were all excited to have a new person to be joining our family. Until now, I can still remember it clear as day. In the middle of the ceremony, my mother's uncle, an 'alim encouraged us to perform the sujood al-shukr daily, not necessary only when the nikah ceremony is done. It then dawned on me at that time, am I being truly grateful for what I had up until today? Because even if I am not sure what is the exact feelings of mine at that time, I must be definitely moved by his words. Because you know, there are so many reasons you can be happy for— when you are grateful.
It hit me that by being grateful, we would not only focus on the bad things happening in our life but also the good things in which both are blessings and tests for those who have faith in him. Practising sujood al-shukr is also one of the ways to express our gratitude to Him.

Even though the world is full of pain and suffering, I still believe that being grateful is still a choice— whether to enjoy and focus on the things that we already have instead of focusing on the thing we do not have. Quoting Aida Azlin's vlog about gratitude, she said that we are all blessed with different things. Some people are blessed with having a good look, while others are blessed with intelligence in academics and there are also people who are blessed with wealth. This one quote from Aida Azlin really hit home "You know, Allah is really fair. If you keep on focusing on things that you do not have, that game is never going to end. It gets tiring don't you think?" we can also reflect on what Allah says in the Quran, Surah Ibrahim, verse 7— "If you are grateful, I will surely increase you more." This wonderful verse tells us how blessed we are when we are grateful, and He also promised to give us more. What we think we lack, are actually enough for us because He is the All-knowing.

Moreover, not to forget my experience of getting the SPM results at my ex-high school in Kedah. I must say I am grateful; in a state of content with my results, although I'm not getting an all A's. I know my limit. I know that I had put much work and effort into the endeavour of getting these results. The efforts matter much more than the real results. I learned that there may be people out there who want to be in my shoes so badly and that I can't fail myself just because it did not turn out exactly the way I wanted it to be. I am literally giving myself space to appreciate how beautiful life is. How lucky and blessed we are to be created by the Almighty Allah to live in privilege; to still have food set on our table, to have the roof over our heads and a nice bed to sleep in. There are so much more to be grateful if we keep on looking at the positive side.

Besides being grateful for what we have, we can also channel the gratitude to the people around us. For example, most of us are blessed with a loving family and good friends. These people actually deserve to be appreciated. Giving presents is not the only option we have, to make them feel appreciated. What's more important to me, is that we can make them happy to have us in their life.
On the other hand, if we encountered a situation where we are the one to blame, try to be less overly apologetic. Instead of "sorry for being late" we can say "thank you for your patience". Even though the former is reflecting the guiltiness that we feel, the latter can make the other person feel a lot better and most importantly appreciated for their loyalty. If there are things I want to change about myself in the perspective of being grateful is to learn to often say thank you— instead of hundreds of sorry.

I aspire to be able to constrain myself from being overly apologetic because of my inferiority complex. The guiltiness often swallows me, deep down into my soul taking control of my mind on how other people looked on me. Things would get better when I learned to be less guilty of myself, I hope so.

Last but not least, to wrap up, complaining is an act of getting an unnecessary burden to ourselves (tho most of the time we have the hardship that we think is just too much to be handled). On the other hand, to be grateful, for me is to give myself a chance to breathe. To let in all the positivity you receive from the surroundings and to give back all of that to the people who deserve to feel appreciated.

footnote: Actually this one post is kind of unexpected. I made this 3 pages long paragraph for the assessment of Usrah Budi (lol in IIUM here we had 2 semesters of usrah that is compulsory yeah)
I'm planning on listing my daily gratitude in a planner. Let's start this gratitude journey together!

ciao.

Thoughts ; Prayers

Jangan kau hinakan orang gila, kerana sekurang-kurangnya mereka jujur dengan kegilaannya, sedangkan kewarasanmu belum tentu kejujurannya.- an excerpt from 'Aku Nabi Isa!' by Dr. Rozanizam Zakaria

I once had something in my mind, the things I myself am unsure of that particular someone.

‘Does he really okay?’ ‘Does he need help?’ I keep on repeating to myself, like a hymn. Often feel that he needs to be helped, and surely I need to confirm that he’s really fine. But then… time passed, I slowly forget and the curiosity now has gone leaving behind all the unsolved puzzles.

Surprisingly, out of all days without even a question came out from my mouth, he himself opens up what he thinks he suffers, reminded me of all my unanswered questions—like a miracle. I know in that exact moment, I need to do something to help or even the least I could do is to understand.

What I'm trying to say now is that maybe our thoughts are what Allah really listens to.
 As if they are sincere prayers that came across our minds, entangled between believing, or disbelieving and yes, or no: the answers to our pure curiosity. All the answers we knew would never be known except with the Will of Him—just because we have no courage or often they are forgotten with time. These all happen in our mind sometimes unconsciously, without being spoken.  

I do not wish all your questions in mind be answered vocally in words because most of the things (read: symptoms of mental illness) disguise itself in the purest form they could ever be. They conceal it so well we could not know they were suffering, or maybe…deep inside, we failed to admit it—We are all ignorant. We care less of others, and that's what makes us indifferent. 

For me, one’s actions are the real answer. Observe, try your best to fit that pieces of puzzles. I have a little argument to be made with this quote: "Ask but never assume." This quote does not apply to this case tho. Because not everything can make sense through answers. That's it.

May Allah guides you with the little voice in your heart. May He sparks a strong will for you to care, to acknowledge all the tiniest hint of answers to your questions.

Sometimes to understand is not to feel exactly the way it is, but to listen and care.

source: weheartit.com

Here I am, one might say I am just an emotional-wreck-kind-of-person but nah I am just expressing my thoughts alongside emotions I think everyone can relate to. Tbh, haven’t felt this kind of excitement to write for sooo long. I guess I’m starting it all over again.

2019: a fresh, new start. Towards more posts and sharing!
(I've been thinking to dig deeper into psychology and mental health so yea wait for it.)
Don't forget to check out 'Aku Nabi Isa!' a non-fiction, psychology book written by Dr Rozanizam Zakaria. Proud to say this is my first completed book in 2019 yeah. (Oh hey my current k-drama SKYcastle can also relate with the mental health of the kids yow) me practically obsessed with everyone's mental health. sigh.

P/s: As you are reading this, please pray for that particular person to seek help from others and most importantly to seek treatment from the professional mental health experts.

ciao.

The road less taken; Applied Plant Science UIA Kuantan

WARNING; the current post is in english + malay which contains a few of my experiences as a student. Read at your own risk.

source: google
anime: spirited away

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

-Robert Frost

"Weh kau tak nak tukar kos ke ?" tanya khal roommate zaman cfs (centre for foundation studies)

"Aku tak tukar." Dalam hati aku macam 'betul ke tak ni.betul ke tak ni. kina'

Mesti curious kos apa yang aku dapat for degree kan?

the answer is... applied plant science! tadaaa (dah agak mesti korang unimpressed)

and what is actually the field of my interest? 

kinda like forensic.....biomedic.....and anything related to human body.

macam mana boleh minat kos ni? maybe because of surrounding. I grown up in a govt-servant family (specifically polis dan tentera) or maybe I was too immersed with criminal minds or CSI-kinda-dramas-you-know-what-I-mean.

First impression bila dapat offer letter? I cried soooo bad that week. I don't even know how to describe it. Sedih tak dapat kos impian or sedih sebab dapat kos 'buangan'.
(Fun facts: Plant Science is the department with the least number of students in IIUM Kuantan)

Nobody's impressed when I said I got offer of plant science for degree. (Even when we don't need all the praises pun) but deep in our heart we all want to pursue our dreams right? 

Bitter truth of the reality that we have to face is; not everything would work based on our will. It's ALL GOD'S PLAN.

'but---we have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE dear.'

Not everything is destined to be, somewhat you got to choose your own path.

For those from Uia, you guys might be wondering why I didn't change my programme earlier before entering degree right? The problem is I don't take it seriously. Purposely, aku lewat-lewatkan hantar borang walaupun aku tahu memang boleh tukar program (jangan jadikan contoh ye anak-anak) and now the blame is on me obviously. 
As soon as I registered for degree, my heart seemed to be healed a bit when I listened to the seniors' POV and my batchmates. Most of them are so funny and outgoing! Including the lecturers (How I hope studying would be this fun with the close relationship between lecturers and students)

 It's a matter of time, they said. Interest can be nurtured, they said. 
They told me to find not much, but just one solid reason for me to stay in this department.

I don't even know what's good for me, but He does.

dan inilah jawapan istikharah aku; Plant science.

For now, what I know is I am not going to give up on this course.
There's no turn back.

 do pray for me,
xx

-KinaBadrishah-